Now, this is going to start with a bit of whine, so brace
yourselves. I had lovely skin growing up, a little on the pale side, but
always clear, and just the right amount of dewy and freckles. Life was good. I
wore make up, of course as most teenage girls do, but confidently could forgo
the make-up if I wanted.
Then it changed.
Shortly before my 19th birthday, my dewy skin
started to break out and become red and patchy, it started with the very tip of
my nose. Always red, and I always seemingly had a “cold”. My Cold lasted four
years and countless tubes of foundation, the “cold” excuse became so easy to
tell it just rolled off my tongue almost daily. Then my cheeks became redder
and then pink and then red again as they would flare up and calm down and it
became harder to brush it off as a cold.
Rather than using make up to play with, it became an
absolute must. I couldn’t even bare to leave the comfort of my bedroom without
make up on.
Between the ages of 19-22 it worsened. Becoming lumpy and
post box red and then settling down, and then again a few weeks later I would
be back to a red lumpy mess.
Make-up became a shield, I’d apply before leaving the house
to go to uni, again on the train, again when I got to uni, in between lectures,
before I went home, on the train home and then wait as long as I could before
taking it off.
Make-up also became a cause. My skin couldn’t breath, and I
couldn’t let it, so my constantly piling on the make-up, it irritated my
unstable skin.
I stopped sleeping over at friends’ houses, because the
anxiety was just horrendous. I didn’t have an explanation as to why it was so
red, my skin wasn’t spotty so it wasn’t acne, yet I layered on the tea tree and
other harsh products to make the lumps go away. In fact I was making matters
worse.
I stopped letting anyone see me without make-up, the
simplest of tasks, as popping to the corner shop, became a mission because it
required a full face of make-up. My foundation of choice was Studio Sculpt by
MAC. I would turn down parties, days out and cancel last minute on events
purely because covering it up became too much of a task.
My constant cold was backed up by regular and planned
sniffing of my nose. This was to cover up any redness that would try and creep
through my meticulous foundation applying routine, and it did on occasion. My
routine would sometimes slip when I would be out to lunch and couldn’t slip
away from the table.
Rosacea is a daily battle. It is a bigger battle when you
don’t know what you’re fighting. In the UK we don’t have a Dermatologist
culture, unless you incredibly lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it). You either see a dermatologist for vanity, or to look to ease or cure a condition of the skin. I do it for both.
Like any other skin condition it eats away at your
confidence, unlike most conditions, Rosacea isn’t widely talked about, and is
widely associated with the heavy drinkers, and the 35+. Demystifying something
is the first step in not letting it win, I will be publishing a series of posts
which will detail my journey from discovery to today. With regular posts and
routines which show the good, the bad and the times that I don’t want to leave
the house.
This was an insight into how I lived before diagnosis, and
this is how many women live because they don’t know what is happening.
Sometimes we are too proud to go to the doctor to say “I dislike my skin” when
there is so much other stuff going on, people who are sick and need those
appointments. Even now having to go to the doctor and request Doxycycline to
clear up what topical treatments, or over the counter skincare can’t fix, is
mildly humiliating.
Coming up next in the Rosacea chronicles is the day I was
diagnosed.
X TWC
For NHS help with Rosacea, visit, http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Rosacea/Pages/Introduction.aspx
also take a look at http://www.rosacea.org/index.php
the National Rosacea Society.
If you think you may be suffering with Rosacea, please see a
doctor, or a dermatologist.
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